THE POLICE IS YOUR FRIEND ( MOTHER'S DAY EDITION)........

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" Park! Park!! Park!!! My Oga at the pinnacle. My Oga at the zenith. Park!!! Yes right here. Park, Oga mi sir." "What bullshit! What arrant nonsense is this? What the hell do you guys want men?" "Oga, just park. Good man. Good afternoon sir. I like your car. Money good oo. See as car dey shine like mirror. Money goo....." " ...... Listen and listen good my friend. I do not have time for this nonsense. I am on my way to the airport. I am running behind and I do not intend to miss my flight. So the last thing I have time for is bullshit like this men." " Softly, softly Oga. Na fight? We are the police and we are here for your protection and safety. We are just doing our work. The police is your friend. " " Spare me that balderdash. Cut out that rubbish men. The police is your friend my ass. I am late for my flight and intend to get the hell out of this country today. I have had it up to here, men." " Oga, ba turenshi. I no know book oo. Your big grammar too much and all this men men, like he-Goat. Man tire oo." " You must be crazy men. Stupid. Real lunatic. I have news for you and your gang. I ain't giving you guys a dime men. If you think you are getting something from me you better have another think coming. Not a dime men." " Dime? We no want dime from you. We just want to check your vehicle particulars. That all. Dime for where? Who dey talk dime?" "Particulars? What the hell do you mean by that? Listen folks, I have to be in the great U S of A today. I have a plane to catch men." " Oga, can we see your drivers licence and vehicle road worthiness. Spare tire and fire extinguisher." " Oh you mean all that bull scrap.........Here you go. I told you I am not giving you guys a dime. Feel free to snoop around. I got everything men. I came prepared for you rascals men." "Na true Oga. You are all correct oo...... Everything is in good order. You are a good man........." "Told ya 'll I am good. Can I be on my way now? I am sick and tired of giving people money. You come home to visit, after years of being in Diaspora and everybody expects some money from you. Friends, family, Immigration and even the useless Policemen. Men, I have been giving money away like confetti. My goodness! This country is frustrating. What is wrong with you people?" "Oga can you please open your boot?" " Boot?.......... Oh you mean my trunk? There you go it is open....." "Oga, you have to come down from your car to open your boot." " Everything in this car is automatic you moron. I have already opened it from where I am seated. God! You guys need to find better jobs. This shit is getting old. Taking bribes from the streets with all these notorious Check Points is like daylight robbery men." "..........You are right again oga mi sir. ... Your boot was opened. But Oga.......is this yours?" " What the hell is that?" " Bullet Oga. This is a bullet to an AK 47 rifle. We found it in the boot of your car." "What the hell are you talking about? Are you guys for real? Are you kidding me?" "Bullet Oga. You are in big palavar Oga. Ogbonge trouble. You are in deep bullshit. You have to come with us to the Police Station. I knew it! Too much grammar. You be armed robber, ole jankoriko or kidnapper. Fine man like you." " Oga Policeman, I am begging you in Jesus name. I am a Nigerian like you. I have to go back to my family in America. New York. Oga, I swear to Allah. To Sango. Look at me biting my wedding band, I do not own a knife talk less of a gun. Oga, I will do anything." "All your talk of bullshit this and that. See yourself now. Sounding men like he-goat." "Oga, I have a good family and job to go back to in the United States. I am ready to dance to your tune. We are speaking the same language Oga. I love the Police. Lets talk like brothers. What do you guys want?" " So you be proper guy man. Correct guy. Where you come put better name come they sound like Jay Z and Snoop Doggy Dog....... and he-goat. Your money.... na half a million Naira." " What the f......!!!!What did I do? Are you for real? What is wrong with you people? Oh my GAD!!!! Half a million what? That like a ransom men. Half a million ...... " ".....Naira! Oga, we take you to our Station. Price go jump up. Currency go change. Our DPO worse pass Tafa Gani Kayode Balogun oo. Let us end the discussion here like brothers oo. Like good citizens of Nigeria that we are. Rub my back. Oga, I go rub your back." "Oh my GAD!!! .......But I have only dollars on me. Hard currency...." " No sweat Oga. Look as you dey sweat like Christmas goat. Constable Evbo-abel Ogoigbe will take care of you. We call him Bureau de change. Dollars, Euro,Yen, Deutsche Mark. He has them all. It is because of people like you......" " You mean ......." " .....Yes exactly. How do you want it? ........... Constable.... take care of Oga........ Good man................" ".................... Am I free to go now, Oga Policeman............Thank you very much." " ........Safe journey Oga. I hope you catch your flight to America...........Mumu man. JJC. THIS IS NIGERIA. Constable Evbo.........take back your bullet. ........and give me the money......... I love this country no be small." This is for Iro Ohwovoriole-Ajasa, Elizabeth Olosu, Adeniyi Aderonke, Moji Soremekun Balogun, Moji Bishi, Folashade Orefuwa Lojede, Lola Orefuwa Sotonwa, Lola Cole, Stella Olaniyan,Yemisi Adedoyin-Iyiola,Tejumade Ajasa, Adepeju Bolaji, Moji Jagun and to all sweet mothers. Happy Mothers day y'all. " She go say instead make I die make she die oo. She go say God, God help me. God help me, my pickin oooo." - Nico Mbanga. HAPPY MOTHERS DAY.

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